Stumble It!Oct 18 2008
Living with CIDP - Strength and Weakness
What is strength? What is weakness? I’ve been having to ask myself these questions a lot lately. Having a disease like CIDP can often challenge long held views and definitions of even the most innocent of words.
For the past week, I’ve been dealing with legs that have decided being weak and unsteady is the way to go. The balance that I regained after my first dose of IVIg is now gone. The toes on my right foot are injured from repeatedly stubbing them on the single step that leads up from my family room to my living room. I’m trying to get up and move around in spite of my weakness and lack of coordination but I feel like I’m walking this tight rope between doing just enough to keep muscle atrophy at bay and overdoing it. I know if I overdo it that my weakness will just get worse and I definitely don’t want that to happen.
All the while, this weakness in my legs has me thinking about what my future with CIDP could look like. I don’t like thinking that I might wind up needing a cane or be in a wheelchair at some point in my life. The cold, hard facts are that I’m 30 years old and I’ve just barely begun my journey with this disease. I have three beautiful, wonderful children. I want to dance at each of their weddings. Will I be able to? Only time will tell.
I hate having to rely on others. It’s something that I’ve had to increasingly do over the past week because of how my legs have been feeling. But, I’ve come to realize that there is a strength in asking others for help. There’s strength in knowing what your limits are and in being able to voice them to others. I could certainly refuse the help and ultimately fall because of my own weakness. Or, I could let my loved ones help me and we’d both be stronger for it. As hard and as humbling as it may be, I’m choosing to let them help me. I hope that one day, I’ll be able to return the favor.
I can see a fighting spirit in you yet and I do hope that you will be strong and you have the love and support of your family and friends. Your post has touched my ehart and my prayers are with you. I have been through life threatening operations and was born with some defects so I can relate. I won’t ramble on about my back now..hugz
oh, i am sorry to hear about your pain. i will include you in my prayers. i pray that you will continue to find strength in yourself and in your family, and your health gets better, and be able to dance on your kids wedding day. I really wish you well kithlyara. my heart goes out to you, and if i could only help you also sometimes, but the most that i could lend right now are my prayers for you.
Hi there,
I have a recipe for cabbage rolls for you on my blog with some linky love for you for asking a recipe question. Enjoy them and be sure to come back and tell me how they turn out.
Ms Recipe